You know,
As time goes by, things change. It's obvious to say- and some changes come and go, others stick around and become the way of things. It's just the way of it. Moments of nostalgia, basically, are moments where you realize you think very fondly of a time before a given change long enough to wonder if the way things are at present took a step down in some fashion from the remembered glory of the past.

Many are the times I've waffled on about things from times ago, so too with the intangible bits of advice through personal realization... it seems these topics are favorites of mine down the line through time. But, has it done much good? I find it hard to imagine anyone out there looking nostalgically back thinking about me... yet, there are friends of mine for whom I look at old days with a fondness and feeling that something sinse has been lost never to be reclaimed. We all grow older, we all go through things... we all come to understand that life is something we each figure out in our own way, sometimes with help, sometimes stumbling through it on our own. And in the blunt of it, there will come a time when we realize we are no longer in synch with our surroundings in the same way we once were. For instance, many of you will leave deviantart at some point... the people will change like the tide, as younger members join and older members leave. Others'll tough it out- but will see others leave, and might find a spot of emptiness in mourning the loss at odd, random times. And there will be times where it seems like there's not a single friend to be found, new or old- when it's difficult to feel close to anyone and the closest sense of belonging drifts in solitude. There are other times where it's hard to find a moment to yourself, when the moments are in some ways not even your own to control, and divvying them out is like a juggling act. When you get recognized and realize you've been acknowledged on some level that sincerely satisfies you. There are also people that change your life who you never really get to know all that well. Perhaps they introduce you to some music you grow to really love, or recommend something you find becomes a regular enjoyment. But, even when there's nothing wrong with life, at least for me, there's always a desire to have at least one person to talk with that understands you on -some- fundamental level. Whether they 'get' you fully or not, more important that they've acknowledged you in a way that's truly satisfied you.

I feel... mildly lonely. I miss talking with Lee, I miss talking with Annie, I miss talking with Reese, I miss talking with Kyra, I miss talking with Melanie, heck- I even miss talking with Ludi and Neo. I have thought about why talking with any female is so important to me, and though it's not so clear even to me, nearest I can tell is that it makes me feel content in some way. I don't need to be in love; ...but I do have the wherewithal to wonder if I seek to be loved, to feel needed even if just as a friend. And honestly... I mostly fail. From my own perspective... I'm not very needed, not very sought out. I couldn't say what gal of those I know cares most for me, or if any of them would truly go out of their way to let me know I'm valuable to them. Perhaps some of this tragedy is part of the beauty to it- surely there has been love given, whether from me or to me; and to realize how it's sifted out... it's kindof endearing to a compassionate romantic like me. Though in the span of things, there never has been much realism in my way of things. The ghost is what I've become, the ghost is me for many of those who I care about most. I'm not sure if anyone realizes I'm as good as dead when there are no hellos, no how are yous, no seeking me out to exchange words.

Who am I the most use to? Honestly, I think, my parents. I do often fail to show them the respect they deserve and am not certain I can adequately change even given dedication to do so...

For all in life, there's a way to proceed. It can be hard to see, or easy. Carrying it out, the same variation. The choice, we make. How will I handle my stated predicament. I don't know- I can write to people... will they answer, will it bridge a gap? Can't say... but it might help. Will I do so? Depends, I'd say. How much I want to attempt it- how stubborn I am to not let change settle in hard heavy and silent... but sometimes, I wish my problems weren't entirely in need of resolution by my own work, and that someone else would put forth effort. Alas, it's hard to expect much of people by this point.