First of all, I feel motivated to watch my two newest watchers, because they're both awesome.

I like the way accidental things are often the best in life. Like tonight, I was over at Chris' in order to roleplay (I spent six hours there, of which an hour and a half was roleplaying time, of which I spent the better part comatose from aggravated damage...) -BUT, on the other hand, from being there I caught an episode of a show called True Blood that I'd never heard of before. And I got that sense of 'know' that I get sometimes, that I'm going to watch that show -find it online, because I'll enjoy it. Turning the hours that felt like a wasted evening for the most part into something that's worth more than that amount of time in enjoyment.

Also, I've been at work cutting out the cards I printed for my game- (so as to make everyone aware, making CCGs for my own use is a hobby of mine) and so hopefully, I've balanced things out to where with these new cards the first set for this game is complete. I've already done a print run of the earlier cards that are done; in fact I've played the game with several people who enjoy it, but perhaps with these cards included a rules tweak here and there it'll be a better game overall. Besides, it's the first cardgame I've done where all the cards have their own artwork... (even if it is all purloined from deviantart here *coughcough*)... I'd try selling the idea if it weren't for the fact that the card stock images and pictures aren't mine to distribute. ^_^' Anyway- it's a simple feeling of accomplishment to do this work, even just for myself.

My car is still being worked on- it'll be in the shop until this Wednesday. I'm glad it can be repaired... which is better than can be said for the deer. I still feel grumpy that I had to leave the deer on the side of the road because I couldn't lift it into my car. Heck, I tried for like... fourty five minutes to get the darned thing into my back seat but the weight was too much and it kept sliding out. At least that's some motivation for me that I need to start exercizing again. *goes and achieves 43 pushups* Pluh, not enough to be satisfied... Ah well... in time.

BUT, not having had a car, I missed my friend Dustin performing Saturday night at the House of Bricks up in Des Moines. Dark Mirror- look them up; Dustin's the guitarist and absolutely AMAZING. And his Birthday was the 8th- I'm still wanting to get ahold of him to try an Adventureland trip- asap.

Y'know... sometimes, in recent days, I feel like I've been waking up after being alseep for a very, very long time. Not in a literal sense... more like, inside. And it's like, there are times where I feel alert and awake and times where I'm back to groggy and I'm trying to push myself towards experiencing more -life- in life. Even if it's as simple as reading a book or watching anime (which I've been doing a lot recently)- But, more towards... human interaction. Over the winter, I felt... lonely. In many regards, much of the time... but, not so much anymore. And... there's a balancing act in that. The healthy wholesome feeling of -people-, of hanging out and of talking on a person-to-person level. But, on the other side, too much and it's like work, it's like something is leeched out of you... either way. It's not easy to explain, but I feel like I'm getting back to the center and I don't want it to tip too far the other direction from what it'd been. I like... taking things in my own time. I feel- happily like I've gotten back in touch with people, though. As though I can be friends with the world- even if I'm not. Whereas before, I felt very isolated... walled off even. Mind you, I never have things absolutely perfect for any length of time, but I like capturing brief bits that -are- just that, to me. And it's like nothing for a good while had been absolutely mint condition like that- except I've been getting bits of them recently. The fireworks on the 4th, -though moreso, the drive home afterwards listening to the radio with my dad. Or talking in message about it with a nifty individual here on deviantart. *breath* I've always been a nostalgia-loving, sentimental type. For a long time though, that part of me was crushed out of me. Maybe to some benefit for me but- I like to have a little... and I'm working on getting myself back. I've grown- for better, in many regards, but also I feel I should regrow some of what I feel I've lost. That's how I feel. And I feel also like I've been making small steps towards getting to where I want to be with myself. And happy, too, for where I am.

I have things to look forward to- Anime Iowa and NanDesuKan... and things I want to do but am not full sure of- The Adventureland trip, visiting Vincent, regular or semi-regular roleplaying sessions... *grabs for self another Jones Soda* Heck. I'd like to spend a day just reading. Or watching anime. I'd like to get back to playing Magic regularly from the... what's it now? Month and a half or so, pause that I've taken. Go to the theatre, walk around town. Things that I -am- getting done here and there... but there's so much more left. And I -am- wasting quite a bit of time. I really am. But y'know- it's not as bad as it could be. Or as it was. At least, imo...

*breath* I think... I'll either cut out more cards, or maybe read for a while. Y'all, yeah you, who read this- you're awesome, btw. I love journaling, and reading journals. I really honestly do- I'm weird like that, but for a long time I felt that nobody was interested at all. Heck, if I've even got only one person who pays attention- that's enough to motivate me. Because of you, I can push myself to do something I enjoy doing. Which, really, when it comes down to it, is sharing my life with you. Not in amazing detail, but summarized, at least, and for me... in a way I can't describe without difficulty, that's really important to me on some very deep level. So ...you are the type of person who means a lot to me. Acknowledging my existance. And what I hope, is that I can grant to you, the sort of peace and content inside, that you grant me. If you ever have a way, let me know how I may do so.